Tabula Rasa

ta·bu·la ra·sa

[tab-yuh-luh rah-suh, -zuh, rey-; Latin tah-boo-lah rah-sah]  Show IPA

noun, plural ta·bu·lae ra·sae  [tab-yuh-lee rah-see, -zee, rey-;Latin tah-boo-lahy rah-sahy]  Show IPA .

1.

a mind not yet affected by experiences, impressions, etc.
2.

anything existing undisturbed in its original pure state.
Origin: 
1525–35;  < Latin tabula rāsa  scraped tablet, clean slate

Today, it has been exactly a year since my world was shattered by a man that I would have easily have laid my life down for. It has taken me a year to come to terms with that fact that he doesn’t deserve me, and probably never will. We are better part then we are together…

Though I need to thank him… because without him I wouldn’t…

  • Have learned to be emotionally independent.
  • Be almost finished with massage school.

Will I forget who I am without you? What is the ultimate emotional toll of seeing yourself more as half of a whole than an entity to be cultivated and loved and improved on its own? Does one fade further and further into dependency and compromise, a copy of a copy of a copy of the full person they used to be?

– Chelsea Fagan

When I flew home from Texas the girl that I was died on that plane, and even though I didn’t know it at the time a woman was born. With a heart & soul of ice shrouded in mystery and pain. A woman that is scared to let anyone too close for fear that she won’t come back this time. A woman that doesn’t know if she can love a man the way she loved him again.

In the past year I have been in three different relationships which have taught me different things, but they all taught me how to become emotionally dependent. Some people may not understand why that is important, but when you live in an environment that is unhealthy mentally it begins to tax you physically. I live in such an environment, and without being able to learn how to shield myself from it I probably would be in a hospital right now.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Today… though is known as a tabula rāsa  or clean slate beginning. I say that because today I was given a gift from a very good friend. A man that I have always admired, but have slowly began to care about more with each passing day. This man has stood by me the last year, and has made sure to check up on me from time to time. He was there each time I was in the darkness with little concern to his own. For me to consider him a good friend would probably be an insult to exactly how I feel about him.

The gift he gave me is the gift of his love…

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~ by Snow on February 14, 2014.

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