Today, I went to go to school to realize that I didn’t actually have class today… so while learning that Carl had told me he was talking to Jess & Lauren. So I figured I would swing by and see what was up with that. So I get to Trident and Carmen is there… I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to run, but I didn’t I smiled and went looking for Carl.

So I found him and was just like wtf you didn’t tell me Carmen was here. Which of course he was just like you didn’t tell me you were coming. I was like “surprise?”

Either way we went outside to where everyone was sitting so that he could eat his breakfast. Jess had gone to register for class or something. So when we got back out to the table… I don’t know what came over me, but I looked at Carmen and was like so are you not talking to me anymore… and she Carmen actually apologized for unloaded all of the shit that she did on me last night. Having her apologize was an amazing feeling. I was so happy…

Well then Jess came back outside and Carmen went to go somewhere with TC, and Jess not even 2 minutes after Carmen walked away just looked at me and said that I needed to leave. I simply just ignored her, but Carl said something to egg her on. I don’t remember everything that was said other then her calling me a lying cheating whore who doesn’t deserve Carmen, and Carl rebutting with something to the effect of we have all made mistakes including you.

Though when she started screaming I simply just couldn’t take anymore of the drama and picked up my things and walked away. After a while I sent Carl to go get Carmen and I gave her the money I knew she would need for smokes.

We stood and talked for a bit, and she asked me what had happened. I don’t know who Jess tried to blame it on, but I told Carmen that we had not started it. I honestly had done nothing to provoke it at all.  I tried to explain as much of it as I could to her, but I was seeing red pretty badly still.

Which what I can remember say Jess saying was:

  • I need to leave.
  • I do no belong there.
  • I did not deserve Carmen.
  • Carmen deserved better then me.
  • That I was a lying cheating whore.
  • Then, she went off on some tangent about beating the shit outta me and Carl.

So at that point me and Carmen got a chance to find some closure which I really did appreciate. I told her that I was tired of being attacked. I could not handle it without lashing back anymore. I have been trying to remain an adult and conduct myself as such as much as I can, but there comes a point where you don’t give a shit anymore.

I told her that it wasn’t her fault that I walked away. I could not be in a relationship with her when she was in a relationship with Jess anymore. She has changed so much it’s almost hard to find her within herself. I’m worried about her, but what else is there for me to do?

I can’t fight for her if she isn’t willing to stand next to me…

She did ask me that in the future when she matures if she could have a second chance. I told her that I would love her now and forever. That as long as she worn my collar & ring that I would know that she still wanted to be with me.

Part of me wishes that day would come a little quicker, because I know that I am going to miss her. I hope that somehow through it all that we can stay in contact. That somehow we can stay friends….


~ by Snow on November 15, 2013.

2 Responses to “Future…”

  1. Sounds like you have alot going on in life. I am here for you if you need me as always, feel free to give me a call or write me. I hope the best for you and hope that your days are filled with love and happiness.

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