What her collar actually meant to me…

A training collar is the second step, and will be offered by the Dominant, usually after a consideration collar has been in place for a certain period and the next level is agreed upon.

Usually, there will have been many discussions about likes, dislikes, needs and desires, and discoveries about personalities and characteristics, with the underlying factor that there is real potential for this relationship to go deeper, and more committed than before.

A training collar is almost equivalent if not more personal than an engagement ring, and usually involves the same emotions, feelings and responsibilities.

It signifies to other Dominants and submissives that this relationship is now on a more serious level, and has become a long term commitment.

The Dominant may now move into other areas of training and discipline and can often demand higher standards from the submissive than before.

The submissive, on accepting a training collar, should have a good understanding of what is required of her/him – and should be very much aware that her/his behavior is a reflection of the training she is receiving from the Dominant whose collar she wears.

The collar is also a symbol of the devotion and commitment the submissive has for the Dominant. It should never be taken lightly.

At this stage, there can often be conflicts in the minds of both Dominant and submissive. The Dominant now has the added responsibility of this particular submissive, and it may well curtail His/Her exploration of other submissives, unless of course it is agreed beforehand that there will be others involved.

The submissive can struggle to reconcile her/his mind to her/his submission, and her/his commitment to one person. She/He is no longer available for other 

potential Dominants, and this can lead to feelings of less personal freedom in her life than before.

Subconscious testing of the relationship’s strength is often an underlying current, as both parties want to see how strong the commitment is. Insecurities and doubts are brought to attention, and often raise their ugly heads when there is no need. These elements must be faced and conquered if the relationship is to move to the next and final step.

Honesty and trust are paramount in any relationship, but more so at this stage as this is the final building block for the ultimate final step.

 So… now to my emotions of what it meant when she asked me to be released. 

Reading the last line of her message to me crushed me. She didn’t just ask to take a step back in our personal relationship or D/s relationship she wanted to be released. She didn’t want me to own her anymore. I felt like I had completely failed her.

Some people may see it as over kill, but for me she might as well have thrown her ring/collar attached to a grenade through my walls destroying me and my heart.

At the time I didn’t think she just wanted a break I felt like she was pulling the pin and walking away.


~ by Snow on November 13, 2013.

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