Finally, I reaching my breaking point. I began to feel that if I didn’t do something shortly that I was going to reach a level of insanity that I was not sure if I would be able to control. The darkness within me was fighting for full control, and I was beginning to weaken with each passing moment. I tried to reach out to her, but she was emotionally unavailable.

In my stress I began to call random people and just vent and talk to them, and this helped some… but I needed so much more. I needed her, but I knew that I couldn’t go to her. So instead I went to a place that “earth meets water” and I sat alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes this isn’t a good thing, but in this place it is different. As the moon and the stars sparkled in the water, and the fish came out to dance to my sad songs as I cried and sang. I gave my pain back to the earth. I let my lady take it and cleanse me.

I centered myself and raised a cone of power all for myself as I danced under the moon on the dock over the glittering waters. I wish I could have been skyclad, but what I was doing was more then enough. I let so much of the negative energy out, and I brought in so much positive.

Although, my thoughts didn’t stay pure it was okay, because he called me and asked if I wanted to join him. So I went to where he worked to spend time with him. I knew he was just as upset as I was, and I wanted to comfort him just as he had been comforting me.

We talked for hours and just vented to each other. I felt that the more we talked the more we were slowly beginning to heal each other. Though, we may not have been able to do it alone… we seems to do well together.

As the night turned into morning our conversation took a very inanimately serious turn we both began to look into our currently feelings for each other, and the people that we both want to be with. I told him that I had been considering just stepping away from everyone, but he convinced me to continue to give her more time. He told me that she loves me, but that she is just confused right now.

So the beginning of trusting him has began to form, and along with it I have began to attach to him. I told him that I do not wish to look into those emotions too deeply at this time, because I hurt too much to know what my feelings are. In times when your heart hurts it will reach out to the closest thing possible, and it will impress emotions from the person you want to be with onto another. Though, I am not saying that is what is happening. I will say that is not what I want to happen.

He has stood beside me and protected me during this time of extreme depression, pain, and suffering. He has shown that he is worthy of at least my time and attention. For now I will call him a good friend.

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~ by Snow on November 10, 2013.

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