Storm

Today, was ridiculously hard on me. I woke up to thundering and lighting, and watching the power flick off and on. The animals where all upset and whining. I felt scared… truly scared, and ridiculously stupid for feeling that way. I have always been afraid, intrigued, and aroused during storms.  Though, today I felt utterly alone, miserable, and stupid for feeling that way… My anxiety started to spike horribly and I began to have a series of small panic attacks. Since, I didn’t have anyone I could really talk to at the time I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep. Which was surprising easily… I guess working myself up had made me tired. Though, when I woke up the storm was physically over the storm inside was not. I still feel pitiful… if a little thing like being a lone in a storm bothers me how do I expect to be able to move into my own place and be fine.

I have been trying so hard to be independent, but today really through me back to the drawing board. It showed me that I am not comfortable in my solitude, and that I need to work on that. I need to strength myself so that I do not have to depend on others for emotional stability and support. It isn’t right to ask that of anyone.

I have been soo dependent on others for too long. Even if that is what they wanted from me I need to re-train myself not to be that way.

~ by Raidyn on June 3, 2013.