The death of a dream

Today, I started taking birth control again. I haven’t taken birth control since my pulmonary embolism back in like March. Back then I was hoping to find out that my disorder wasn’t genetic, but if you have been reading my blog you should know that it is.  My body doesn’t produce enough vitamin C, and because of this I have to take Warfrin. Which is a drug that you 100% can’t get pregnant on. Not that you “CAN”T” but that doing so will have about a 98% chance of killing whatever child may try to carry.

I could take Heparin, or Lovenox while trying to get pregnant, but even if I could get them for $20.00 a day…. 20.00 a day x 9 months @ 30 day months= 5,400.00 that doesn’t even include how ever long it may take me to try and get pregnant. So me and Nick have pretty much decided to adopt.

So  taking birth control is the  proverbial death of the dream of being able to bear my own children some day. I’m sure we will be able to adopt which I wouldn’t love any child we would adopt less, but it’s still a kind of death to that dream. Which makes me extremely depressed…

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~ by Snow on January 19, 2012.

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