@ Midnight

Midnight is closing in on me, and as it comes the realization that I will be another year older comes with it. Currently in 33 minutes I will be turning 23 years old. I just spent the last 45 minutes on the phone with my best friend who hasn’t even realized it’s almost my birthday. We made plan for her to come over tomorrow… but she doesn’t even know. I thought about telling her, but part of me feels like it would be wrong. It feels like it would be rubbing it in her face, and I don’t want that. I just want her to remember. I don’t care if she didn’t get me a present… I really just want to spend time with her and know she really cares.

She asked me a little while ago if I was mad at her, and I told her no… and in all honesty I’m not mad. I’m just really sad and really upset…. She didn’t even seem to care when Nick’s grandmother passed away. She forgot to call on my girls birthday the same day as her daughters…. Now it seems she has forgotten mine.

I’ve had the same “night mare” for the past week that tomorrow will come and I’ll wake up and her, Nick, and everyone else will have planned a surprise party for me. The reason I say nightmare though is, because I simply know that it’s not true. So it just makes me even sadder…. When I was talking to her on the phone I just wanted to break down into tears… ask her what tomorrow is.

I don’t know why I said yes to tomorrow I don’t want to torment myself, but I want to spend time with her. I really miss her… evenI though I am slowly making friends in the community they don’t know me like she does. They can’t call my lies or tell when I’m sad. She can though, and I miss her…

I’m thinking that tomorrow before we go anywhere… I think I’m going to simply open up and tell her how I feel. Tell her it’s my birthday, and that I’m really upset. I just don’t want to hurt her.

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~ by Snow on January 18, 2012.

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